he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
