Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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