Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
