It's Friday. Sex?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
