I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
