Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Ppl just aren't as funny as we are

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  (847): Ppl just aren't as funny as we are http://tfl.nu/yoyk
  Replies (7) Good night (1548) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese

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  (650): I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese http://tfl.nu/0g2e
  Replies (11) Good night (3333) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on

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  (250): my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on http://tfl.nu/e38v
  Replies (19) Good night (4819) Bad night (1061)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.

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  (718): I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there. http://tfl.nu/dv4v
  Replies (13) Good night (4434) Bad night (1565)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...

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  (865): His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation... http://tfl.nu/uas5
  Replies (24) Good night (4687) Bad night (1642)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?

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  (405): Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin? http://tfl.nu/sa7c
  Replies (12) Good night (3129) Bad night (1247)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.

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  (336): I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying. http://tfl.nu/o8vt
  Replies (1) Good night (870) Bad night (1224)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills

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  (704): I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills http://tfl.nu/vb73
  Replies (10) Good night (2010) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.

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  (847): Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos. http://tfl.nu/unc3
  Replies (16) Good night (1949) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.

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  (503): Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck. http://tfl.nu/hc6u
  Replies (10) Good night (1312) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.

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  (248): sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom. http://tfl.nu/qeu4
  Replies (4) Good night (926) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"

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  (651): these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck" http://tfl.nu/ykzg
  Replies (3) Good night (663) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!

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  (816): Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away! http://tfl.nu/774o
  Replies (2) Good night (684) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.

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  (612): You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now. http://tfl.nu/ym19
  Replies (6) Good night (342) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!

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  (224): What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?! http://tfl.nu/xsf9
  Replies (0) Good night (135) Bad night (64)

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