OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.