I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?