shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it