he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
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I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
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In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.