So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
