Do you still have your period?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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