is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
