Everything about him screamed your future.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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