I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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