My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
