I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
