She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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