He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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