I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
