I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize