saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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