So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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