so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
