Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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