I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
