New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
