Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm at about main and main street
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
