Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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