my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
