Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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