I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
