i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
