We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif