Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?