I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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