Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.

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  (803): Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar. http://tfl.nu/zuya
  Replies (29) Good night (8646) Bad night (1069)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.

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  (519): turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm. http://tfl.nu/078y
  Replies (22) Good night (1559) Bad night (3166)
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  (347): View more from New York

  We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"

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  (347): We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?" http://tfl.nu/p6mw
  Replies (52) Good night (990) Bad night (5219)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway

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  (432): To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway http://tfl.nu/h9fr
  Replies (8) Good night (3338) Bad night (1194)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans

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  (484): you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans http://tfl.nu/5hx4
  Replies (7) Good night (3238) Bad night (910)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.

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  (403): Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms. http://tfl.nu/yg77
  Replies (2) Good night (2327) Bad night (1123)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?

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  (214): How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink? http://tfl.nu/kd28
  Replies (11) Good night (2795) Bad night (702)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.

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  (206): I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship. http://tfl.nu/s5mh
  Replies (18) Good night (2355) Bad night (1023)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.

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  (973): We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend. http://tfl.nu/o8s0
  Replies (3) Good night (971) Bad night (546)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls

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  (267): I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls http://tfl.nu/tagh
  Replies (1) Good night (851) Bad night (570)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.

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  (813): Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early. http://tfl.nu/x0zy
  Replies (3) Good night (960) Bad night (353)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.

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  (614): Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month. http://tfl.nu/2n60
  Replies (4) Good night (658) Bad night (381)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober

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  (989): you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober http://tfl.nu/1g6r
  Replies (4) Good night (1093) Bad night (291)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him

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  (773): his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him http://tfl.nu/maqg
  Replies (13) Good night (321) Bad night (648)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.

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  (630): You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional. http://tfl.nu/yewn
  Replies (2) Good night (645) Bad night (391)

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