No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops