I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.