Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(334): View more from Alabama

I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is

(1-334): View more from Alabama

I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P

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(216): View more from Ohio

you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.

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(248): View more from Michigan

The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...

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(917): View more from New York City

She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(504): View more from Louisiana

I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.

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(630): View more from Illinois

she could've warned me his penis was curved

(708): View more from Illinois

ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.

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