O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
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I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.