It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
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I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since