I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
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Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
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Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.