College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
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I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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