I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.