I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car