Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i think i have two assholes
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
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yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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