i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
