if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
