Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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