so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
