Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
