I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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