My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
