sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
