My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
that may or may not have been my penis.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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