the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
