I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
