The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
