that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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