i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
