there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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