break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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