All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
