so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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