just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
