Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
