it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
FUCK WHALES
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
