is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
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