You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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