this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
