I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
