I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
