Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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