...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
