Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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