he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
