why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
