Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So squirting runs in the family.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's shark week go big or go home
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
