this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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