My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
