does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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