her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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