you win again, gameday.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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