Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
