If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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