I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
