there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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