My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
