hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
