It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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