My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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